The Single Guy's Swinging Survival Guide

OK, so you're a single guy and you want to enter the swinging scene. How do you do it? Our little guide (written by a couple) is the result of many years in the swinging world, follow it and you'll be genuinely surprised what you'll find in your bed!

Step 1 – Decide If Swinger Sites Work

You're probably thinking “Do single guys really have a chance on these sites?” The answer is actually, yes they really do! If you don't believe this, take a look at the links to the Adult Match Maker search pages below to see just how many women and couples in and around Sydney are looking for guys.

Keep in mind that only members active in the last month are show in these searches, so basically there are around 1000 women in the Sydney area actively looking for single guys to have sex with right now – surprised? Then read on!

Step 2 – Choose Your Site And Pay Up

Sorry guys, the bad news is you're going to have to pay some money. All swingers sites have free memberships but these are really only to have a sneak peek, you can't initiate any meaningful communication unless you pay and single females and couples are spoilt for choice so probably aren't going to come flocking to your in box. Also free members appear last on all searches and people can choose to hide profiles from free members. Paying for a subscription also marks you out as being serious about this rather than a tyre kicking free member.

So who should you give your money to? If you only read one thing on this page, please make it this – DO NOT GIVE ANY MONEY TO RED HOT PIE. Why? Well in 2010 they were caught (and admitted to) sending messages from nearly 1400 fake single female profiles pretending they were interested in single guys so they would take out or renew paid subscriptions to continue communicating with them. They are one of the biggest players in the Australian swinging scene but please avoid them like the plague.

Discounting Red Hot Pie, there are only 2 realistic choices that have large memberships and are firmly Australian focused, Adult Match Maker and Swingers Heaven. Of these two, we unreservedly recommend Adult Match Maker because they have the most active members and lots of females and couples looking for single guys. Generally there are around twice as many people on line at AMM than Swingers Heaven at any given time (at the time of writing, it's 2269 to 958 and this is typical). Basically, serious swingers head to Adult Match Maker and get a paid subscription. We've been members of both sites but virtually all our swinging friends are on AMM. Swingers Heaven seems to have a lot more people who are toying with the idea of swinging and mainly want to just cam and look at pictures.

One thing we don't like about Adult Match Maker is that they don't make it very clear what the subscriptions cost before you join. Basically for their lowest level “Silver” membership (and this is all you need in our opinion) it looks like this:

12 months $154.95 (equates to $12.91 per month)

6 months membership $107.95 (equates to $17.99 per month)

3 months membership $76.95 (equates to $25.65 per month)

1 month membership $54.95

The one month subscription is very expensive and isn't really long enough to test things as it sometimes takes a while for communication to start moving towards a real meeting, so we'd suggest a three month subscription.

Step 3 – Setting Up A Profile

This is where 90% of guys fail totally. Be in the 10% that don't and you'll probably get laid, it really is that simple!. Here goes:

Do not have a site nickname that references your penis, your sexual prowess or your general hunkyness. Names like “Romeo10inches”, “Hot-Latin-Horn-Boy” and “Captain Trouser Rocket” all say the same thing...egotistical, desperate loser.

Do not take endless pictures of your willy and do not make him the star of the show by using his photo as your primary profile image. Penis fatigue is a serious and widespread swingers condition and will stop you scoring.

Put up a body shot and try to make it as tasteful and appealing as possible (not some blurry selfie in your boardies and socks).

Write something!! Actually write a profile that tells everyone about you, what you are looking for and why (without bragging) you would be a nice person to meet. Swinging is generally social and communicative so be friendly, open and honest.

Everyone is a cool, sexy, different and interesting individual but if you don't show that in your profile, nobody will be able to work it out, so make it good!

Step 4 – Contacting People

Every message is an investment, so treat it as something you wouldn't want to lose and make it count. Single women and couples get lots of messages, so you need to make yours stand out as being a genuine approach.

Don't send generic copy and paste first contact messages because they generally are very clearly just that. Read the profile, make reference to something it mentions and tailor your message to the people you're contacting just like you would with any non sexual interaction in the “real” world.

Don't send one line messages, don't use text speak and check your grammar and spelling.

When reading profiles, be honest about whether you're really what the woman or couple is looking for. Don't waste everyone's time by approaching people who aren't looking for what you are or have to offer.

Make yourself appear socially balanced and not at all predatory. Don't hide behind email and offer to go to phone contact early and/or meet somewhere neutral in a purely social setting on a no obligation basis. This removes the pressure and expectation and can go a long way to marking you out as a decent person, not just someone looking for a quick shag. Keep in mind that single women in particular must feel safe with you before anything further happens.

When contacting couples be aware that you are also talking to the boyfriend or husband. You're asking this guy to lend you his partner for sex and he has the power of veto so be friendly, be the guy in the bar any hubby would be happy to buy a drink for simply because he thinks you're a nice bloke and enjoys your company.

If you've never been in a threesome are you sure you're comfortable with having sex with a women in front of her partner? Are you sure you aren't going to be freaked out by an erect penis operating in the same play space as you? You might not know this until you try but do be aware that if your cock doesn't work, you're probably not going to get an invite for a return match.

Step 5 – Meeting People

Whether it's an initial social meeting or a meeting for sex, turn up and be on time! Guys who lose their nerve and don't show up are surprisingly common so you only get one chance.

It sounds obvious but be clean, make an effort to look good and pay attention to your grooming.

If you're nervous, don't be afraid to show it or tell your new friends, it shows you're very genuine and non threatening.

Don't push, wait to be invited to the next level and make no mistake with couples – they are in charge of your meeting and the whole swinging scene and they know it!

On a play date – perform well! Sorry guys, no pressure but you need to deliver what people are looking for to be asked to play again.

Be discreet, people have “real” lives, jobs, friends and families. Putting any of these in danger with indiscretion will get you your marching orders.

Don't be put off if it doesn't go well. Like regular dates, swinging dates can go horribly wrong, it's usually nothing more than simple incompatibility so just put it down to experience and keep going.

Step 6 – The Follow Up

OK, so you got laid (nice one!) but don't forget the SMS or email thanking your new friends and letting them know how much you enjoyed yourself. Apart from being just polite, it shows you are ready for further meets.

A compliment never hurt anyone either and if it's a couple, include the guy in this, don't concentrate just on the woman.

And Remember - Swinging Is Social Sex!

Openly approaching people for sex isn't like a night club pick up. You know that thing guys do where they work the crowd, the first woman isn't interested so they move on to the next, then down the ranking list as the evening progresses until it gets to 2 am and they'll bonk anything that's too drunk to fight them off. As we've said, in swinging, every contact, every hi or email is an investment because it leads to something else and the most important thing to understand is that its social. Most swingers don't do cum and run, they like the people they sleep with and they value them as people and friends and confidants and yes we spend a lot of hugely (HUGELY!) exciting time bouncing around on each other but at the end of the day we are talking about social sex. Think of it like your mum's Sunday afternoon bowling club but with more sweaty grunting and groaning.

You often only need to make one or two good contacts in swinging. One couple that thinks you're a great guy who is able to be invited into their relationship and add something they value is often all you need to potentially get access to all of their friends who they think would be attracted to you. The women in the night club the guys are working their way up the list with aren't like that. If you “score” with one, it doesn't mean you have a chance with four of her closest (and hottest!) friends. In swinging this possibility exists and although many couples will have absolutely nothing to do with single guys, there are many more that purport not to be interested but will welcome the right guy as and when he presents himself.

Good luck and happy hunting!

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